Who’s at fault is the question we hear a lot these days. We’re asking who’s to blame for the unemployment rate, the high medical costs, the high cost of education, riots, and the list goes on and on. Of course, there are certain reasons and perhaps even people we can point at for being responsible some of these things, but how we respond to each situation is our own responsibility and we need to get over the tendency of blaming others for all our problems.

This is not just a problem in our days or these “last days”. We see can see this problem in the Bible examples of people playing the blame-game. Adam blamed his wife for giving him the forbidden fruit; Eve blamed the serpent for deceiving her; King Saul blamed the people for his lack of obedience to God. (Genesis 3; 1 Samuel 15) In each case God held them responsible for their actions, regardless of who brought the temptation. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, so He will hold us accountable for our actions too. (Romans 14:12)

When we look at ourselves and the way we deal with life’s situations and problems and want to ask “who’s at fault”, we need to look closer at our heart because that is where the real problem is located.

Proverbs 23:7 tells us that as a person thinks in his heart, so is he. So how we think affects how we react and respond to situations and people. Even in the area of making friends and being a friend, which is where I want to turn our attention.

If we struggle with being so concerned (or fearful) about whether we will be or are accepted by others, perhaps we should look at how accepting we are of others. The first reaction for some is to blame others for not reaching out to them and being friendly. However, Proverbs 18:24 tells us that a person must show himself/herself friendly. You and I are responsible for the view others have of us; whether or not we are friendly. So, who’s at fault if you don’t have friends? Them or you?

If you struggle with the idea that you can’t change, don’t believe that lie of the devil. Remember, God is in the changing business, not that He changes, but that He changes us. We don’t have to be afraid of the change He wants to make in our heart and our life. As we look to God and behold His Word, submit humbly in obedience to His instructions, He will change us from a fear-of-friendship person to a faithful friendly friend. (2 Corinthians 3:18)

If you struggle with jealousy of others who are so friendly and have friends, ask yourself, “who’s at fault”? While I’ll admit that it is somewhat easier for some personalities than others; that doesn’t mean you are stuck in the darkness of being shy or an introvert.  God can change you into the friendly friend He wants you to be.

There are a lot of Christians missing out on Christian friendships in their lives because they fear rejection from “church people”. Has it ever occurred to you that there just might be someone at church is struggling with the fear of a rejection from YOU!  The common problem I see in people who feel unaccepted and rejected is they tend to stay home, away from gathering with their church family, or look for friendships from the world.  Yes, Christians are a family. If we look to the world for close relationships, we are being what the Bible calls “unequally yoked”.   Second Corinthians 6:14 states it this way, “be not unequally yoked with unbelievers: for what fellowship have righteousness with unrighteousness? What communion has light with darkness?”  We all need accountability and a Christian will not get Biblical accountability from a non-believer.

If you think that no one notices whether or not you are in church, who’s at fault?  Theirs or yours?  We are all responsible for making friends and for being a friend. We can blame no other than the person in the mirror looking back at us. God wants to grow us from glory to glory and that includes the area of learning to be friendly and being a good friend. That can’t happen if we become stagnant in our own little world by staying at home and away from church attendance and activities.

I have learned, as might many of you, that too much of “staying away” from church brings us to isolation, and that can be a really big problem.  First Peter 5:8 tells us that the devil roams around like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour.  It doesn’t take much to understand that it’s the loner who is more vulnerable to attacks.  The antidote to this then is to assemble with our faith family, our brothers and sisters in Christ, called the church, who are able to encourage us in our faith and help us in times of need. (Hebrews 10:25)

If you are one who needs to return to the fellowship of Christian friends, be brave and repent before God. Then ask Him to help you return to his family, his church. Then get involved in making and being a friend and you will have friends. It’s when we are humble before God that He is able to help us and bring us into a victorious life.  (James 4:10 and 1 Peter 5:6)

We need to be truthful when examining our heart. Our heart may be able to stand the effects of not being with other Christians for a short time, but eventually the enemy will use this against us, making us think we are unaccepted and don’t need others, causing us to forsake the fellowship of God’s people.  If that happens, our faith cannot remain strong because God created us to need each other; we need friendships, fellowship, and involvement in serving in our church.

God has good plans for you and for me. All we need to do is believe Him for the good He wants to make in our lives. He is well able to help us to be friendly and be a good friend.